Pop! Goes the Icon

I figured before I tossed my latest batch of sequential art periodicals (that’s “comic books” to the rest of us) into the big white boxes of doom, I’d reflect on who did and didn’t waste my hard-earned bucks this week:

First, as I expected, Alternate Reality Comics had both the second printing of Kick-Ass No. 1 and the second issue. Come on, Dark Tower! I’m givin’ you a lot of chances here! And what did I think of Kick-Ass anyway? Aside from the slightly gratuitous use of blood, it does, indeed, kick ass. I mean, who wouldn’t like reading about the exploits of an average kid ballsy enough to go out and fight crime in a wet suit, who inevitably gets his ass whooped multiple times?

You know, even before reading the first two issues of this fun series by Mark Millar and John “Pj’s Favorite Comic Book Artist” Romita, Jr., I was contemplating superheroing in the real world. Well, more specifically, well-trained vigilantism. You know, the whole “Batman could be a real guy” argument: Someone who trained hard to become an excellent fighter, detective, etc., outfitted with a Kevlar suit and some non-lethal weapons. A friend said recently she wished there was a spy school you could attend. And I answered, in a way, there is: You could hodge-podge it, studying in multiple disciplines: criminology, computer programming, martial arts, etc.

But in my chain of thinking about this, I had to ask myself: If I were to go through such training and somehow come into the money to buy such urban warrior body armor, who would be the criminals to go after? Gangs? Drug dealers? I mean, the real criminals are in the White House, in Congress, in city councils and county commissions — the street criminals, with a few exceptions, are simply the creation of a system designed to oppress and exploit. So my superheroing days will be spent, instead, running for public office.

Oh, were we talking about comic books? Crap. On to Cable No. 2. I completely forgot that I bought the first issue and that there was a second issue coming out until I happened to notice it in the “featured” rack at Alternate Reality’s checkout. And after reading it, I remember why I forgot in the first place: BOOOOOORING. I thought after the slow pace of the first issue, this thing would pick up. But no — even the cat-and-mouse game between Cable and Bishop is uninteresting. In the old days, the events of these two issues would have been summed in a splash page with some expository text. Sorry, Cable, but you are officially dropped from my buy list. I couldn’t care less what happens to that stupid baby now.

And X-Men: Legacy No. 209? Serviceable. I’ll stay on, though it makes no sense to me why Exodus would rescue Xavier only to threaten to kill him after Magneto revived him. It’s kinda stupid. And there’s not even any JRJR artwork in this issue. But I’m hanging on — for now.

Oh, and Marvel: Nice move with the Secret Invasion Saga giveaway. That’s a nice, well-assembled package to publish for the low cost of free. Thankfully, again, Ralph at Alternate Reality had a few copies left still.

OK, on to dinner or something. I have a mighty neck-ache and this typing isn’t helping. New thing for band practice Sundays: Aspirin. Sigh …